The ones who moisturize always make the best lampshades.
Month: April 2018 (Page 2 of 2)
Targeted advertising is getting so out of control as of late. With technology growing at leaps and bounds, you could talk about something as specific as “pointy elf shoes,” your phone will hear you, and Facebook will send up an Amazon advert for genuine elf shoes from Norway while you’re scrolling the next day.
Okay, I’m awake—now where the fuck am I?
We’ve all felt it. Maybe you’d gone to sleep, overtired, and found yourself waking in the living room on the couch. Maybe, you’re like my sister. She’s a sleepwalker. She once somnambulated her naked ass right out of the front door of her apartment, a door which locked automatically behind her—so of course she panicked and pounded to wake her fiancé up so he could let her in. The man that answered was not her fiancé. She knew him. He didn’t live on her floor. Unbeknownst to her she’d ridden the elevator too. Me, I’d had a lot to drink last night which accounted for my disorientation…oh, and Richie. All the weird shit is always fuckin something to do with Richie.
So, I’m really happy you’re here. It’s been a while since I’ve had a real “first date.” Has anyone ever told you that you have the most incredible eyes?
Aww is that a blush? You know, some people say I talk a lot. It’s more of a nervous thing. I talk a lot when I get nervous. You seem like the strong silent type. That’s really great. I really like that. It was always hard for me growing up. I was the FAT kid on the bus. They threw paper at me a lot. Called me “GAY” a lot. Back then I still insisted that I wasn’t. But that was yearsssss ago. It’s not like I’m still carrying around that baggage.