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Month: April 2018 (Page 2 of 2)

The first time her hand touched mine, I knew she was the one.

The ones who moisturize always make the best lampshades.

Did Anyone Else See This Ad?

Targeted advertising is getting so out of control as of late. With technology growing at leaps and bounds, you could talk about something as specific as “pointy elf shoes,” your phone will hear you, and Facebook will send up an Amazon advert for genuine elf shoes from Norway while you’re scrolling the next day.

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Torture dungeons are pretty bleak, but at least the games are fun.

This week we played ‘Guess How Many Human Teeth’ and I get to keep the jar, ’cause I’m the guy that won.

The Purpose

My husband’s been gone. He’s been gone quite some time I guess–a few weeks, I think. Might be 16 days? I don’t know. Them days in the last few weeks have kind of strung themselves together–as they do, you see. I don’t do very well on my own. I can’t quite keep track of things. He always helped me with that sort of thing. I think he was gone two Tuesdays ago? Woke up, and he was just up and gone. The funny thing was that I weren’t really mad about it. Sometimes a man’s just got to up and go for a time, I recon. Don’t be good to him, well, you got to learn the lesson, so you wake up and he’s gone.

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Come to Stay

Okay, I’m awake—now where the fuck am I?

We’ve all felt it. Maybe you’d gone to sleep, overtired, and found yourself waking in the living room on the couch. Maybe, you’re like my sister. She’s a sleepwalker. She once somnambulated her naked ass right out of the front door of her apartment, a door which locked automatically behind her—so of course she panicked and pounded to wake her fiancé up so he could let her in. The man that answered was not her fiancé. She knew him. He didn’t live on her floor. Unbeknownst to her she’d ridden the elevator too. Me, I’d had a lot to drink last night which accounted for my disorientation…oh, and Richie. All the weird shit is always fuckin something to do with Richie.

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First you firmly grip, then you flick the wrist.

And off the head will pop, with just a little twist.

The vibrantly vacillating hues fingered their way, vermiculating in tandem with the lightning across the brooding, blackened sky.


I know it’s cliche, but what they say is really true…

I photograph all of my victims just before the knife slides in; lasts longer.

Mirror take me by the hand, and yank me into Backwards Land.

Where up is down and dark is day, and all the nightmares come to play.


So, I’m really happy you’re here. It’s been a while since I’ve had a real “first date.” Has anyone ever told you that you have the most incredible eyes?

Aww is that a blush? You know, some people say I talk a lot. It’s more of a nervous thing. I talk a lot when I get nervous. You seem like the strong silent type. That’s really great. I really like that. It was always hard for me growing up. I was the FAT kid on the bus. They threw paper at me a lot. Called me “GAY” a lot. Back then I still insisted that I wasn’t. But that was yearsssss ago. It’s not like I’m still carrying around that baggage.

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