An Invitation To Join Us At Echo Bay’s Premier Gentlemen’s Club: “The Corsair Cabaret”

If you’ve ever thought about stepping out of your ordinary life and experiencing something extraordinary and memorable for just one weekend, the time to do it is now! The Retrogressive Motion of The Aquarius Wave is at its Prime Temperature this weekend and we’re celebrating! From Friday June 14th until Sunday June 16th, under the influence of the Aquarius constellation, the waters of Echo Bay will resonate with the bioluminescence of the annual psykotrix algae bloom. This is a time when you should open yourself completely and accept the influence of outside innovation and change. It’s an ideal time for rituals, especially those involving transformations and new beginnings and that’s why this weekend only we’re waiving all cover charges at the Echo Bay’s Premier Gentlemen’s Club!

If you’re looking to enhance your weekend and your life with something unexpected, spectacular and raw, then look no further. Wouldn’t you like to experience the sexy and exciting vivacity that lies behind the power of the mystical Xaigonian Enclave first hand for yourself? Join us this weekend at the Corsair Cabaret, where the night comes alive! Entrance for everyone 21 and older is completely free this weekend only and we’re offering $5 Cetacean Essence Shooters all night long! You’ve never experienced nightlife quite like this! We’re pulsing with an energy unlike any you’ve ever known and as the weekend approaches its apex, the vitality trapped within our walls intensifies, the air thickens with anticipation and the true spirit of the Enclave comes alive! The most exciting weekend of your life begins this Friday night as the stars blink out and the waters of Echo Bay glow with neon light!

Echo Bay isn’t like any place you’ve ever been and the Corsair Cabaret is no ordinary club. You’ll find us hidden away from the tourist trails in the darkness where we lurk eternally, located at 6672 Barnacle Boulevard. Just pull up and park in the poorly lit, poorly maintained, pothole ridden lot in front of the two most abandoned looking buildings on the block and follow the dark alley between them until you see the eerie glow of our pink neon sign reflecting off the puddle of stagnant water by the rusty dumpster–then turn right. Don’t forget to leave your phone and any recording devices you may have brought with you in your car as they won’t be allowed inside. We cherish our seclusion enough to keep what happens at the Corsair Cabaret this weekend off of the internet, but not enough to keep you from being a first hand witness to our depravity.

Don’t be afraid! We offer something truly unique at this sanctified temple for the devoted and daring! Here in the shadowy embrace of Echo Bay, we thrive in our uniqueness and although we’re hidden away from the prying eyes of those who would never understand, we really, really want you to see all of our secrets this weekend.

First and foremost, the Corsair Cabaret is an Enclave establishment–yes, the Xaigonian Enclave. Have you ever wondered if the stories you’ve heard about us were true? Well, what you’ve heard about us is merely a taste. The real feast awaits! Come learn and judge for yourself what you believe as we unravel the secrets of what it means to be an Enclavist. You’ll find out that everything you know is nothing. You’ve only scratched the surface of understanding and its time for you to judge for yourself the full depth of what we represent. Our commitment to The Lord of The Tides goes beyond what mere words can describe–you may use any language you like and you’ll find every possible phrase is insufficient. Language cannot convey the devotion that runs through our veins, ebbing and flowing with a dangerous undercurrent like the tides themselves.

When we welcome you into our hallowed halls, watch your step and try not to tread on any of the gum embedded within the dirty carpets of our establishment! There’s a lot of it, especially by the door. Once you’ve successfully made it past, find yourself a table or a seat near the stage and step into our world of mystique and reverence. Of course, we offer glimpses of our naked voluptuous bodies and the allure of our sensuality for your eyes to feast upon, but there’s even more of ourselves we wish to reveal to you! Our nudity is merely one facet of who we are. Our true purpose is to immerse you in our nightly devotions to our eldritch squid-lord Xaigon.

Who is Xaigon, you ask? He’s our everlasting lord and master who has lived in The Wretched Abyss since before the beginning of recorded time. He appeared in our dimension while the world was still mostly composed of undulating red-hot magma, bringing with him from the place of emptiness whence he came, his power over the water and the rains. He formed the oceans with a writhing bend of one of his many tentacles, calling forth the scalding showers from the heavens above that collected as a boiling maelstrom below and formed the oceans themselves. When the waters cooled, he settled at the bottom of a seemingly bottomless trench in times long before there were even beings on this planet capable of comprehending him.

Eventually, he made his presence known, emerging from his slumber off the coast of New England in the 5th century and revealing himself in all his glory to the Seãkwa tribe. These proud indigenous people, who originally inhabited the lands which would one day come to be known as Echo Bay, first beheld him. When he reached his many appendages out from the black waters and pulled his obsidian form on land before them, rising to his full height, they were first afraid but he soon showed them that he meant them no harm. He allowed them to approach him and touch the impenetrable onyx spiral shell on his back. They were in awe of his magnificence and he allowed them to love and worship him.

In exchange, he cared for and nurtured them, teaching them language, writing, and art. They began to make many sacrifices to him for bestowing this knowledge upon them. He loved his devoted followers endlessly, but found that outliving so many generations caused him great pain, so he taught them to brew an elixir of transformation that not only extended their lives by over two hundred years but allowed them to come and live with him beneath the waters of the Bay.

Over the centuries, a great metropolis was formed a mile west of The Wretched Abyss. Upon bestowing this great wealth of knowledge to them, he grew tired and returned to his slumber. He has slept for many hundreds of years since as they wait for his return in their secretive Shining City beneath the sea, located within the Coral Caves north of the forbidden beach known as Twilight Cove.

Doesn’t all of that sound amazing and really pique your interest to see more? We’re waiting to show you more! The Xaigonian Enclave is Echo Bay’s best-kept secret, shrouded in rumors and misconceptions. We’ve heard the whispers and lies spread by our adversaries—The Lodge of the Ancient Order of Közeron, the granola-eating yogis, the Karens leaving us one star reviews on StripAdvisor, the Baptists, and others who fear our light. They paint us as fanatics, but the truth is far more wondrous and we want you to see it for yourself! Experience the beauty and power of our rituals this weekend! Come and see us at the Corsair Cabaret and witness the deep connection we share with Xaigon for yourself for it cannot be fully understood through hearsay and gossip. You must experience us and decide for yourself what you believe about who we are.

Every negative thing you’ve heard: that’s just rumors and nastiness and we welcome one and all to come see the magic of our devotion firsthand. So if you’re “he/she” or “they” straight, lesbian or gay, trans, bi, butch or fay, intersex, asexual and easily led astray, come out to the Corsair Cabaret! This is a haven for those bold enough to pierce the swirling falsehoods that surround our name and uncover the dark enchantment that binds us. As we dance beneath the spotlights in the timeless rhythm of our ancient rituals, come witness what we’ve performed in secret on the shores of Echo Bay—under starless skies, beneath the emptiness of the new moon, on the blackest of nights, for centuries.

Experience the transformation and essence of our devotion. If you like what you see, you’re welcome to join us every week! We dance not just for pleasure but as a spiritual act in celebration of The Dark Lord. Every dancer here has embraced her role as a Deepwater Acolyte, a sacred duty passed down through generations. Each secret movement and every gesture that was kept unrevealed from the eyes of outsiders is imbued with the meaning and history of our unwavering faith.

And yes, the stories you’ve heard about Twilight Cove have some truth in them. The northern beach is a perilous, dangerous place. Those bold enough to take the rocky Twilight Pass between the cliffs will discover it guarded by the Xaigonian Fishpeople. It’s not a realm for the treasureless or uninitiated. Only those who have brought a gift of shiny treasure–a doubloon, a precious ingot or uncut gem–or those who have transformed themselves by completing the Enclave’s sacred rites—Essence Shifting themselves in preparation of the celebration of their Depth Departure—are allowed to glimpse the hidden Shining City beneath the waves. The journey to Twilight Cove is treacherous but the rewards for those who prove their devotion are beyond imagination.

Here’s a secret, just for you, my darling: you no longer have to be a full-fledged Enclave member to taste the forbidden nectar of Xaigon. The mystical Cetacean Essence, who’s formula was originally crafted by Xaigon himself and bestowed upon the Seãkwa tribe more than a thousand years ago was once reserved for only the most devout of the Xaigonian Enclave’s members–but with our coffers low and our membership dwindling, this hallucinogenic liquor is now within reach of anyone daring enough to visit our club and give us some of their money in exchange for it. This ambrosia of the deep–our secret formula for life changing evolution–could be yours for the taking.

Imagine drinking your fill and feeling the Essence seep into your veins as it ignites visions that wrap around your mind like the nightmarishly squirming dark tentacles of Xaigon’s endlessly tormenting love that reaches out to caress you from the darkest ocean depths.

The transformative power of the Essence doesn’t merely refresh; it rejuvenates, altering you in ways you never thought possible–rest assured, you won’t wake up covered in iridescent scales after your first taste. Not even the second or third. In the distant past, the earliest transformations were recorded after the fourth imbibement of Essence, but that was centuries ago. We’ve refined the formula to make it safer, giving you plenty of time to contemplate the journey of addiction you are about to undertake. Now, it takes nearly like, probably, something like over two hundred sips, or something, before the metamorphosis begins. Fear not. Each drop pulls you further into Xaigon’s embrace, and with every sip, you become more attuned to the ancient mysteries we cherish.*


*The previous statement has not been endorsed by The American Medical Association, The Center for Disease Control, The American Dental Association, The Food and Drug Administration, or our Team of Overly Litigious Lawyers. Please do not drink the very dangerous and hallucinogenic substance marketed as ‘Cetacean Essence.’ Consumption of Cetacean Essence may cause dizziness, euphoria, vomiting, heightened senses, vivid dreams, temporary gill-like slits, amnesia, iridescent scales, webbed digits, longing for the sea, full-body scaling, gill development, and marine predatory instincts, and should not be consumed by pregnant individuals, those with cardiovascular issues, or severe marine allergies; in case of severe reactions or distress, seek immediate medical attention and inform them of your Cetacean Essence use. If swallowed, do not induce vomiting and contact your local poison control service immediately.


Devote yourself to Xaigon with us and one day even you may earn the privilege of his invitation to the Shining City. Someone as ordinary as you could someday live an unnaturally long secondary life with us. The Coral Caves are a place beyond the ordinary, extended by the many arms of Xaigon himself as a reward for your faith and devotion to him. The undersea metropolis is a place of eternal beauty and phosphorescent wonder where the faithful live both in harmony and hatred of each other…whichever feeling suits you as both emotions are simply the beautiful and grotesque expressions of his will and should be felt, embraced and cherished because they are a blessing.

Wouldn’t you like to maybe receive an invitation to live with us in coalescence with the sea, supposedly one day, if there’s a possibility that you could maybe be deemed worthy? Then join us at the Corsair Cabaret and witness our rituals, devotions, and our truths! Let us show you the world as we know it and as it truly is, and perhaps you’ll find yourself drawn into the dyspepsia of Xaigon’s unholy, squirming, soul-crushingly dark embrace beneath the endless pressure of thousands of cubic tons of millions of gallons of water enclosing you from every side at the bottom of the sea… you know, the horrible and wondrous many-appendaged grasp of the innumerable, questionably dangerous emotions that we find ourselves already embosomed in. Wouldn’t that be something you’d maybe like to share with us?

Come see us this weekend and meet Aquaditie, whose skin glows faintly in the dark; Marina, who has six webbed fingers and toes on each hand and foot; Thalassa, whose voice mimics the call of distant seals; Nereida, who isn’t afraid to clench a dead fish between her teeth and pass it to a dolphin by getting way too close; Nerissa, whose eyes are as black as Xaigon’s trench, reflecting no light; Seraphina and Sirina, twins who have the perpetual scent of the dead things floating during red-tide; Calypso, who sheds tiny iridescent scales when she moves; Meera, who can hold her breath for an unnervingly long time; Selkie, who sometimes communes with unseen ocean creatures; and our newest dancer Vespera, who is the “minnow” class swim instructor at the YMCA during the day!

Join bartender and owner Claudette Nootka, a devoted follower and proud member of the Xaigonian Enclave, as she invites you to meet her girls and celebrate the depths of their faith and allure during their nightly celebrations. See for yourself the magic hidden within the seediest part of Echo Bay—don’t worry, it’s not actually that dangerous. It only looks like it is. You’re still in New England. Remember, there’s no cover at the Corsair Cabaret this weekend, and $5 Cetacean Essence shots await you in our sanctuary where the mundane world fades away, and the divine mysteries of Xaigon come to life before your very eyes.

These once-in-a-lifetime deals are this weekend only while the Retrogressive Motion of the Aquarius Wave is at its Prime Temperature, so take advantage of our amazing spiritual events!**


Opening at 10:00 am for Boobie Brunch on Sunday to celebrate Father’s Day, so come and enjoy some dubious breakfast food from our infrequently and inefficiently cleaned buffet bar at Echo Bay’s okayest naked eatery with a questionable health inspection history, The Corsair Cabaret, this Sunday only! Don’t forget to bring your dad!



**This deal applies to everyone in the club all night long, with the exception of Caspian Shipley or people buying shooters for Caspian Shipley. If you do this, you will be cut off and asked to leave. To our out-of-town-visitors, please be advised: if Caspian Shipley is in the bar [and he will be] and he approaches you [and he will do] kindly tell him you are uninterested in speaking with him. If he does not introduce himself by name, you will know him by the mottled gray scales on his face and balding head, his eerie yellow bugeyes and his lack of nose. He is best avoided. By all means, absolutely do not buy him any of the $5 Cetacean Essence shooters. Management is unable to trespass him from the premises on account of his sister’s status within the Xaigonian Enclave. We have a number of recorded incidences where he gets real weird when the Essence visions start to kick in. For instance: he once opened his fly and exposed himself to a bachelorette party, before urinating on the bride-to-be while singing the theme from the popular television show M*A*S*H. This is just one instance of many where he has been asked to leave the premises and we are trying to avoid any incidents involving Caspian Shipley this weekend during our celebrations. The townies already know not to buy him shots and know to ignore him. His reputation precedes him. Thank you for your cooperation.

…another chapter in the


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