This story is viewed best on the original post on r/NoSleep post because of the enhanced text formatting elements.

The Reddit post is interactive!

This is Death Facts! Text “STOP” to stop.

… If you have trouble there or would rather read it here… You can, after the jump…


Have you ever given your number to someone for some membership? Maybe at the grocery store or the movies? At a pharmacy or restaurant? It’s kind of obnoxious how much they text you…all of those pesky notifications to click open …we kind of liked the idea of annoying people like that…so we made our own membership service.

(Bleep)

This is Death Facts! You are now subscribed! Thank you for subscribing. Text “STOP” to stop.

What? You think, staring at your phone in confusion. You haven’t subscribed to anything. Have you?

That’s strange.

You type:

[stop]

(Bleep)

This is Death Facts! If you have Cotard’s syndrome, you are a living person who believes themselves to be dead. Text “STOP” to stop.

You think maybe it’s case sensitive? You type:

[STOP]

(Bleep)

This is Death Facts! Rigor mortise begins within 3 to 4 hours of death. Incredibly, it disappears again within 36 hours! Text “STOP” to stop.

[STOP]

(Bleep)

This is Death Facts! About 50 billion cells die in your body every single day! Text “STOP” to stop.

You decide to ignore it for a little while. Maybe it’s some joke thing someone signed you up for.

(Bleep)

This is Death Facts! Contrary to popular belief when you die your fingernails and hair do not continue growing. —

(Bleep)

— they just appear to because your skin is shrinking. Text “STOP” to stop.

(Bleep)

This is Death Facts! Of the 55 million deaths yearly, 9.5 million of those people are from China. Text “STOP” to stop.

(Bleep)

This is Death Facts! Near-death experiences seem to be caused by dopamine and oxygen deprivation. Isn’t that neat? Text “STOP” to stop.

[very funny. pls STOP ok?]

(Bleep)

This is Death Facts! Hanging is still the most prominent form of capital punishment throughout the world. Have you ever wondered if it hurts? Text “STOP” to stop.

[i said stop dammit. i didnt sign up for anything!!!1]

(Bleep)

This is Death Facts! Hanging is also the most prominent method for those wishing to commit suicide. Have you been sad lately? Reach out for help! Text “STOP” to stop.

[stop! u fuk u! quit playn on my phone1!!!!!]

(Bleep)

This is Death Facts! Male corpses often get erections! Believe it or not this is most commonly occurring after a hanging. How often do you autoerotically asphyxiate yourself? Becky says it’s a lot. Text “STOP” to stop.

[wtf is this. quit playin]

(Bleep)

This is Death Facts! 8 in every 1000 people will die today! How often do you think about dying? Text “STOP” to stop.

[alright game is over. i called police. who is this???!?]

(Bleep)

This is Death Facts! You didn’t call anybody and you won’t either because you are going to be too busy running —

(Bleep)

— because you will be number 7. Don’t worry. We’ll make it fast. We have another one to get to. Text “STOP” to stop.

[stop sstop stop stp wtf! Gfy!]

(Bleep)

This is Death Facts!

(Bleep)

Text stop again.

(Bleep)

It makes us laugh.

(Bleep)

You won’t even feel it.

(Bleep)

We’re right behind you.

(Bleep)

Running won’t help.

(Bleep)

Told you.

(Bleep)

Surprise! It was a knife!

(Bleep)

You thought we were going to hang you didn’t you? Funny right?

(Bleep)

This is Death Facts!


Note from Scott: If you found any part of these *actual* facts interesting, I urge you to read through the comments on the Reddit post where I shared about 100 other facts in the comments for those who asked to “join.”
** I replied to almost every user for the first 24 hours, much to the chagrin of anyone who had unwittingly joined (almost everyone in the thread was getting notifications all day). One user had even correctly guessed that I was inspired by the “cat facts prank.” I’m done responding now so please refrain from trying to “join.” **