I Keep Your Secrets

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I could write you a book about cleaning. If I did, it could have an entire section devoted to getting out your stains. I clean houses. I’m sort of a maid, I guess. I’ve learned a lot about people while doing this and the most important thing I’ve learned is that they’re pretty horrible. Including you. The second most important thing I’ve learned is keeping my mouth shut. I could tell you how to get the bloodstains out of the curtains at 4829 Barren Drive, Apartment 7 — but I probably shouldn’t. Nobody will ask anyway. There wasn’t a spot on them after I left. I cleaned up your mess. I keep your secrets.

Erase Your Harddrive Before You Sell Your Devices

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I just got a new laptop–but they didn’t wipe the harddrive before they sent it to me. There is a really strange video on the desktop. I hope it isn’t real… When it begins, there’s a man out by his pool. It’s nighttime. The water is rippling behind him, lit from beneath like a calmly undulating blanket of blue. He’s attractive, in his mid-40s, average build. He’s dressed in all white and barefoot.